Who Is This Joe Lunardi Idiot? Bluff Divers Bubble Break Down.

-ESPN "bracketologist," St. Joseph's alumni, and Hawks color-commentator, is an asshole. You heard it here on Bluff Divers. How the hell this guy gets paid is beyond me. I really can't believe he has picked 33 out of 34 bubble teams in the last 10 years. I think he might know someone on the commitee.

Here are the latest "last four in and out teams," their RPI, and the real breakdown from Bluff Divers:


Last In:


Oregon (56)- Lost in round 1 of pac-10 tourney. Since the P-10 is the number 1 RPI conference, I think they may have a chance to get in. Nice road win against Kansas St. A couple of really bad losses. But with a nickname like the Ducks, and with super-fan Phil Knight's backing, how can you keep them out?


Ohio State (46)- Quality wins against MSU and IU. Ok, whoop dee do. Both at home. Penn State had the same two wins. The Big Ten was an awful, awful league this year top to bottom. I really think they need to play their way in. Do we really need another Big Ten team in the tournament? I think I would rather watch bad lifetime movies while listening to the Moody Blues than watch Big Ten games.


Arizona State (81)- You read that correctly, eighty fricking one. This is absolutely ridiculous. If Arizona State gets in I might not watch the tourney. So they did beat Xavier handily. So what? If you look a little closer you'll find that Xavier had played and beat Indiana (18), Tourney-bound Belmont (80), Creighton (48), and cross-town rival Cincy before flying across the country to play ASU all in a 10 day span. In the same time frame ASU played and beat Coppin State and Delaware State at home. This team should not even be near the bubble. Lost in round 1 of pac-10 tourney. Great party school I hear though.


St Joe's (50)- Playing their way in. A win today against Xavier and they are a virtual lock. A strong performance and it could go either way. Did you know that their mascot is on full scholarship and is not permitted to take a break from flapping its wings during the game? Man, would that suck. By the way, if you've never been to a game at St. Joe's, by all means go. It's like a poor man's Cameron Indoor.


Last out:


UMASS (43)- First round loss to Charlotte really hurt. They still beat Dayton, Syracuse, Houston, and Charlotte but I think they probably get their bubble burst. Really slumped and under-performed down the stretch run. They have a lot of talent and could probably sneak into the Sweet 16 if given a shot. I would still pick them to lose in the first round of my pole though!


Virgina Commenwealth (55)- The tourney loves the CAA ever since George Mason went to the final four. This is a team would beat a lot of teams in a first round match-up. Choked against George Mason. Would like to see them in the tourney, but not at the expense of a more deserving team like...


Dayton (32)- I don't care what anybody says. An rpi of 32 with resounding wins against Louisville, full-strength Pitt, and St Joes late in the season should get them in the tourney! The commitee needs to realize they kept their head above water when ravaged by injury and may have Chris Wright back for the tourney. They have the ability to go to the round of 16 or beyond. They also won a conference tourney game and played Xavier tight in a second round loss. You need to put the Flyers in the tourament soley for the fact that their loss to Duquesne was the highlight of my college basketball season.


Villanova (50)- One of three bubble teams, and only non A-10 bubble team, to win a conference tourney game. If they would have played a better game agaisnt Georgetown they would have had a better shot. I think they are out and the Big East only gets 7 in this year.


Next four out:


Temple (60)- A-10 sleeper had a stong showong against La Salle in round one to play itself onto the bubble. Temple always play a brutal non-conference schedule but failed to post a quality non-conference win this year. Beat Charlotte tonight they may have a chance, but they probably have to win the A-10. Look for them in the NIT because I am not sure there is a team in the A-10 playing any better than the Owls right now. Fran Dunphy looks someone but I can't put my finger on it. Nevertheless, he is a good coach and has begun the rebuilding of Temple back into a well-respected program. He also has a great mustache, which always warrants bonus points from Bluff Divers!


Florida State (62)- They are out with today's loss to UNC. I hate Florida State. I wish some of these football first schools would just go to the SEC where they belong.


Virginia Tech (59)- Have a feeling they might creep in. A win agaisnt the 'Canes today gets them in I think. Would like to see the ACC (my second favorite conference ) get five teams in. Plus they are an A-10 alumni and the alma mater of Teflon Ron Everhart so what the heck? By the way, anybody remember Ace Custis?


New Mexico (58)- Really weak schedule and conference, one game above .500 against RPI top 100. Don't see them making it. I don't know why they are even on the list. Does Lunardi know something I don't?






Keep Bluff Diving all throughout the Tourney!

The Luck of The Irish...by John Belushi

In honor of my freckle-faced, red-headed step child friends and brethren of the bottle, Bluff Divers provides you with on of the greatest comedic rants of all time!

Jane Curtin: And now we come to St Patrick's Day and John Belushi is here to discuss the luck of the Irish.

John Belushi: Thank you, thank you very much. Well, it's come that time again, St. Patrick's Day has come and gone and well, the sons of Ireland are basking in the glow. When I think of Ireland I think a lot of colorful Irish expressions like, "Top of the morning to ya," "Kiss the barney stone," "May the road rise to meet ya," "May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead," "I'd like to smash you in the face with my shillelagh," "Danny-boy," "Begorra," "Wail of the banshee," and "Whiskey for the leprechauns, whisky for the leprechauns."

But the expression I think most people identify with the Irish, is, of course, the luck of the Irish. The luck of the Irish. Sure. Let's say you're in a pub somewhere in Ireland, oh, anywhere in Ireland, some guy comes up to you and says, "Hey is that a bomb on you I hear ticking?" And then BAM!!! Your small intestines are on the ceiling and your brains are on your car across the street. That's the luck of the Irish for ya, who's kidding who, okay? Let's talk about the bad luck of the Irish, all right? How about this, POTATO FAMINE!! How about that? It scares them, doesn't it? Well, it should. That's why they came here in the first place. So they wouldn't have to work in the potato fields. That's why they became politicians, priests, and cops. Luck? Gimme a break.

(he gets more and more worked up as he continues)

I got a friend, his name is Dan Sullivan, he's Irish as they come. We used to drink together a lot. After two drinks, he would look like an Irish pirate. You know? You think he had luck? In one day he got his car stolen, and the stupid, he had no insurance, and no license, and he gets locked up for being drunk. And after that, he takes off for someplace like India or Nepal, or someplace like that. And his mother dies, ya know, so they wire him to tell him to come to the funeral. It's his mother's funeral, that's all. And he's in India or Nepal, sitting squat-legged listening to some sacred cow. So he comes back and he gets stopped at U.S. Customs for trafficking illegal drugs, not holding, he's trafficking. I mean, here's this guy Sullivan, his old lady kicks off, he gets popped at the border and he's sitting on fifty pounds of black Tibetan finger hash and two keys of slam. Now that's not bad luck, that's DUMB luck. I don't think luck has anything to do with it, I don't think he has any brains at all. First of all, he's drunk, then he's a junkie. I don't know what's worse! Don't ask me, ask Sullivan! And what happens?! He calls me up and says, "Hey man, I got busted at the border. I need five grand bail." I said, I said, "Five grand man!? Hey man, I've never even seen five thousand dollars in my life, so don't ask me for it, man, why don't you ask your mother!!" (aside) Which was a dumb thing for me to say because his mother just died. (returns to his loud tirade) Right now, I got this drunken Irish junkie who wants to kill me because of what I said about his mother being in terminal dreamland! Oh pal. One thing! One thing!!! They love their mothers, boy, oh they love their mothers. It's momma this, momma that. (starts flailing his arms wildly in the way only John Belushi could) Oh my Irish mother! Ireland must be heaven, because my mother.. aauugghhh! Aaauugghhh!!! (as he flails he nearly slams his head on the desk and then falls off his chair, still screaming)

Jane Curtin: Well, that's the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Q: Why did They take away John and leave us with 30 more years of Jim? I don't get that.

HAPPY ST PADDY's DAY FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT BLUFF DIVERS!!!

Dukes Season Ends!

THIS MAN SUCKS AT HIS JOB....Jim Satalin, Syracuse HOFer, Dukes Head Coach 82-89, Director of A-10 Officials, Molestor of Collies, and off-spring of Joseph Stalin and Satan.

I will say this and only this about the Dukes year/final game:

1) The Dukes blew the game. Had chances to win. Didn't execute when they had to. Three possesions after being tied with less than a minute left: Turnover, turnover, bad shot to end the game. Lots of missed front end 1-1's

2) The refs blew, period: How convenient an overturned call goes against the Dukes in the final minute mere hours after Bluff Divers exposed an anti-Duquesne conspiracy. Bet Jim "stalin + satan =" Satalin is smiling somewhere. Please see the Q/A below to know what I am talking about.

3) How nice and tidy it is for the A-10 to have a La Salle vs. Temple match up in the second round. That has to be just a coincidence, right? That couldn't be the league with three teams in Philly wanting to increase attendance, local t.v. revenue, and gambling $, could it? Put your money on an all philly final!

4) I am glad I was unable to watch or listen to the game due to my countless devotion to my ethnic heritage. Thanks for the text messages and updates Bluto and Chancellor. I am considering having you both as guest posters.

5) It was all in all a decent year and I think we have a lot to look forward to next season. We will continue to get an easier schedule (traditionally good teams only once) and we bring a lot of talent back and in with a solid recruiting class.

6) This is only the second year in my lifetime, other than when I was an infant, that I can actually say the Dukes were winners... just not of any close games.

7) I said it a long time ago on a Dukes message board, this season is eerily similar to 93-94...not just in records. So many close losses in that NIT season that could have been.

8) The late season swoon brings Everhart back for at least 2 more years. The 2008 team will be mostly all his players and, more importantly, 3 full classes. He needs to show that he can win close games and take a team to the tourney with those players.

9) LET"S GO DUKES

10) Bluff Divers will be in FULL FORCE for the 08-09 campaign

11) Continue to check http://www.bluffdivers.com/ because the posting is not going to stop!

Bluff Diver Response to Reader Mail Bag.

The majority of these were all sent within the last few days.

Q: The Dukes don't have a shot at winning the A-10 tourney. Do they? I mean, this is the Dukes we are talking about.

The Dukes are the biggest puzzle to solve in the A-10. They are capable of beating any team at any time. They are capable of rattling off four victories. They are capable of losing badly and looking worse then the second five for Sacred Heart Elementary School in the first round. I could see the Dukes making a deep run in A.C. and I could see them being ousted by La Salle. Their inconsistent play, and horrible record against the spread when they are favored, seems to indicate that the later will happen. These tournaments are great proving grounds for coaches that want to move up to the Big Time, so let's see if old Teflon Ron can get us a couple of victories and into the post-season.

Q: Why is it so heard for Indian people to order Mexican Pizza at Taco Bell?

Ok, so this wasn't a real question. I was stuck behind Mojibar, Punjab, and Habib last night and it honestly took them five minutes to order 3 Mexican pizzas and 3 drinks. This is like five hours in fast food time. Their order sounded something like this "Pee za....blah blah click click dad dad...tiger fight....bla bla bla bla harumph harumph.... pakistan.....click click....mother bitch...click cli ball bla....dot.....coo ca coo la....Hey guys, its called a number 3. Hold up three fingers cause I am about to extend 1! Not to mention they smelled like curry pepper, crotch froth, the back of the 61C, and stale candy melted over dirty socks. Let me just tell you that this odor was beyond pleasant when mixed with the olfactory sensation that is the Robinson Kentucko Fried Ticken Bell. On second thought, how are these people eating at Taco Bell? Isn't the cow sacred to these people or something? Oh wait, that's not cow meat they are eating.

Q: Bluff Divers, Is there any merchandise for sale?

This is in the works. Thinking of starting with a basic navy blue and red t-shirt, followed by snorkel gear, flippers, shot glasses, baby bibs, foam fingers, and boxers. Then we will get crazy with the "Damn right I bluff dive," "I duked all over your bluff," "Big Hairy Bluff....Diver," "I am really small so I bluff dive," and of course, "Got Bluff Divers?" t-shirts.

Q: There is a reality show called Big Brother. There is a gay guy on the show that bears a striking resemblence to you. He also sounds just like you when you do your "hey guys, want to do the guinness toast" voice. Could this be a distant relative?

This must be my evil alternative lifestyle twin, Morton Mellon. A better question would be, "Dear Thorton, why the hell am I watching this lame ass t.v. show right now?" No seriously folks, I know that some of my relatives may have thought about taking the old berries on the chin, but I don't think any of them ever have...yet.

Q: Are the Dukes on t.v. tonight?

The answer to that is no. KQV 1410 radio is it unless you want to pay $9.95 per game to watch it online (the quality is not very good). Last year this was free. The Bluff Divers of Philadelphia chapter says this game will be televised locally in Philly. No A-10 games are on nationally until the final (there may be a semifinal game televised but I am not sure). We may get some local coverage if the Dukes make it past round one.

The A-10 t.v. deal is one of the worst of any major (ok, mid-major) basketball conference which is amazing considering the major markets that their teams play in. They need to get rid of league commisioner, Linda Bruno.

Q: Why do the Dukes constantly get homered by A-10 officials, even at home?

Well, in general A-10 officials are horrible...but you may have unlocked a HUGE conspiracy against the Dukes. THE COORDINATOR OF MEN"S OFFICIALS IS JIM SATALIN, former DUKES HEAD COACH. This man basically started the program in its downward spiral in the 80's and was ousted from Duquesne. This was not an amicable split by any means. The two men (the then president and provost) who gave him das boot were responsible for almost getting Duquesne's accreditation revoked, have both served jail sentences, and tried to oust Pops from the University. I can imagine that Satalin might be a little bitter towards his former place of employment. AHH HAA! So there it is.

Q: Why are D-Love and Party Joe such good friends now?

Party joe's psuedo stache tickles when they are making out. Plus, D-love learned a cool new way to walk and how to play songs on the jukebox for girls half his age at Pizza Milano's. "I played this song...for you!"

Q: Really, how old is Jimmy C. ?

Bluff Divers will only address this once. Jimmy C. will be 28 in April. His genetic man-child experiment, Cuomordie, however, will turn 56 in May.

Q: Who would win in a fight, Dr. Cox or Chancellor Von Helmut?

Considering that they are BFF's, I imagine that this fight is outside the realm of physical possibility. I won't waste my time in answering that question.

Q: Why are you the worst?

You must not know me very well.

Q: What's your prediction for tonight's game?

86-81 La Salle

Daily Dose...

WOOW OOH OHH...JORDIE's CRYING!

-Breaking news: The Van Halen concert, scheduled for March 21st, has been postponed. And while this personally disappoints me, the tribulations and middle-aged debauchery of one of my favorite American rock bands brings a real sense of balance to the world. David Lee Roth is back with Van Halen, Eddie is all fed up on booze, cocaine, and pills, we are in an election the Democrats are going to botch with retarded candidates (thank god and nothing new), and the Dukes are competitive ....when did we time warp back to 1984? It does make everything seem ok though. I might go buy a pair of stonewashed jeans and party socks from Wal Mart, grow a mustache, pick up a Molly Ringwald DVD and Tone Loc CD, grab some Jolt Cola, Barles & James, and an 8 ball and let the good times roll. I may even Dance the Night Away, perhaps become Unchained.

-With three teams in the top 40 rpi and three others just out of the top 50, the A-10 is the seventh rated rpi conference and highest rated non-bcs conference. It has been this way all year. One team in its conference tourney does not have a winning record (La Salle at 14-15), they have three 20 win teams and could end up with five, and the league posts non-conference wins against Louisville, Pitt, Clemson, Villanova, Syracuse, Indiana, Kansas State, and Wake Forest among other top BCS conference teams (thanks, Post-Gazette). The A-10 also has brought a high octane and up-tempo style of play that is a breath of fresh air compared to the snore inducing boxing matches of the Big Least and Big Ten. (Xavier, Umass, Rhode Island, St. Joes, and Duquesne all can score with the best of them). Bracketolgy on http://www.espn.com/ has one team from the A-10 getting in! IT WILL BE COMPLETE AND TOTAL BULL SHIT IF THIS LEAGUE DOES NOT RECEIVE THREE BIDS TO THE NCAA TOURNAMENT!!! THE HIGHEST RATED NON-BCS CONFERENCE NEEDS TO PLACE MORE THAN ONE FRICKING TEAM IN THE TOURNEY.

-BLUFF DIVERS TO OPEN READER MAIL BAG: A call to all bluff divers to post comments or email me any questions you may have, your general opinions, any topics you would like me to cover, or send me any and all suggestive photographs of your attractive female relatives. Please make questions or posts concise and I will answer them on http://www.bluffdivers.com/ on a weekly basis and if your topic is worthy of its own post, I may invite you to guest post an article. I can be reached via email at jordielife@hotmail.com .

-BLUFF DIVER tournament party: Thinking of getting together with some divers to watch the tournament games. Time, location, and attendees to be confirmed later. I have off Friday the 21st, as it is Good Friday, so I am thinking of grabbing a couple of medium rare steaks and beers and watching the game. Right now the Bluff Diver central headquarters is located in Robinson, PA.

-BLUFF DIVERs in AC: By some act of the Superbeing, if the Dukes make the A-10 tourney final we are planning a classic, pretend we are still in college road trip to AC to see the Dukes. We would leave as early as possible this Saturday, watch the Dukes break our hearts, than drive back on Sunday. Just throwing it out there so you can be prepare your bluff diving gear. Please let me know who would be in and prepare your wives and girlfriends that this may happen.


-BLUFF DIVERs in the NCAA tournament: If by some sign of the Apocolypse, the Dukes win the A-10 tournament and go to the Big Dance, I will be at the first round sight (hopefully, with a legion of bluff divers in full Snorkel gear). Allow me to dream.

Dukes Celebrate Victory in Home Finally! Majerus Later Found Passed Out at Fat Head's

Majerus, confused and corpulent, laments with Mr. Connie Chung

-The Dukes wrapped up their first winning season in 14 years on Saturday with a thrashing of Rick Majerus' St. Louis Billikens! I am not quite sure what a Billiken is. I think it is the second cousin of the grinch that stole christmas or something. I don't know. Regardless, it has thus ended Bluff Divers' Dukes writing strike.

-Highlights of the game included 6'10'' Keiron Archara's first dunk of the season...yes, you read that correctly...and solid performances from Reggie "I must kill the queen" Jackson and Gary "King" Tucker on senior night. (I stole that from an eight year old at the Palumbo who had a "king tuck" sign and also was sporting a scotch tape makeshift Jason Duty jersey....nice)

-Amazingly during the game Rick Majerus consumed 2 primanitis' sandwiches, 3 hostess apple pies, 2 hot pockets, a fudgesickle, a point guard, 2 aeillo's pizzas, a pallet of nerds candy, suffered three heart attacks, and pleasured himself to a picture of Barack O'Bama hugging Hillary Clinton. He followed this by cursing out and choking a player, going to a pro-choice rally, then saying three Rosarys. Quite entertaining.

-Post-game, Majerus was spotted passed out at Fat Head's in Pittsburgh's historic South Side after consuming everything on the first two pages of the menu plus italian skins and every draft beer. He was forceably removed by the "jaws of life" which can all be seen next Friday on the Maury Povich show. Side Question: Why aren't italian skins on the menu at Fat Head's?

-A special thanks to my first cousin Dave (otherwise know as BCD) for pledging his support of the Bluff Diver nation in front of my entire family, while not being provoked to do so! This was surprising as he was left off the famous Bulgarian American list in error. Classic. Thinking of naming a new Bluff Diver award in his honor. The Divine Sisters of the Busted Clitoris "Crotch Turkey" Award. Haven't decided who will be the first recipient of this prestigious hardware!

-The Dukes may have lucked out with their A-10 tourney seeding. They will play the only team in the tourney with a losing record (La Salle) to open round one. They will get a very beatable Temple team in round two if they win. Umass, Rhode Island, or Charlotte in the semis if they win that. They would not have to face Xavier, the only team that truly pounded the Dukes, hypothetically until the finals. Prediction: Four point loss to La Salle

- Call me a dreamer: Dukes beat La Salle and Temple. Rhode Island beats Charlotte and Umass. Dukes avenge BS loss to Rhode Island (they got homered BIG TIME that game). That would all but guarantee the Dukes an NIT bid. They would then square up against Xavier who would: a) be overlooking the Dukes because of how easily they beat them the last game and b) might be resting on their laurels a little bit because they have an automatic bid locked up. Dukes win on a buzzer beater from Aaron Jackson (avenging the game tying buzzer beater he missed against Richmond). Dukes get a 12 seed and upset a five (evenging the BS loss to Drake..number five in espn.com bracketology, perhaps?) in the NCAA tournament. Bill Clark (6 for 12 from 3 point land last three games) regains early season form and lights it up for 24 in the first round game.

-That won't happen for three reasons: 1) They won't let it 2) The Dukes are no good 3) Shawn James is really hurt and should not be playing nor should he have played against St. Louis.

-Here are two reasons it will happen: 1) Pops officially announced his retirment from Duquesne after approximately 84 years of service and 2) The Dukes car decal that I put on "Mr. Lucky" (my car's nickname since I bought it on 7/11/07) following the Dayton game was removed via the ice storm preceeding the St. Louis victory. Signs from the Superbeing no doubt!


-In related news, a special Happy Birthday to Pops...who turned 73 today. Let's hope the Dukes return to glory for Pop's sake in his golden years.