The majority of these were all sent within the last few days.
Q: The Dukes don't have a shot at winning the A-10 tourney. Do they? I mean, this is the Dukes we are talking about.
The Dukes are the biggest puzzle to solve in the A-10. They are capable of beating any team at any time. They are capable of rattling off four victories. They are capable of losing badly and looking worse then the second five for Sacred Heart Elementary School in the first round. I could see the Dukes making a deep run in A.C. and I could see them being ousted by La Salle. Their inconsistent play, and horrible record against the spread when they are favored, seems to indicate that the later will happen. These tournaments are great proving grounds for coaches that want to move up to the Big Time, so let's see if old Teflon Ron can get us a couple of victories and into the post-season.
Q: Why is it so heard for Indian people to order Mexican Pizza at Taco Bell?
Ok, so this wasn't a real question. I was stuck behind Mojibar, Punjab, and Habib last night and it honestly took them five minutes to order 3 Mexican pizzas and 3 drinks. This is like five hours in fast food time. Their order sounded something like this "Pee za....blah blah click click dad dad...tiger fight....bla bla bla bla harumph harumph.... pakistan.....click click....mother bitch...click cli ball bla....dot.....coo ca coo la....Hey guys, its called a number 3. Hold up three fingers cause I am about to extend 1! Not to mention they smelled like curry pepper, crotch froth, the back of the 61C, and stale candy melted over dirty socks. Let me just tell you that this odor was beyond pleasant when mixed with the olfactory sensation that is the Robinson Kentucko Fried Ticken Bell. On second thought, how are these people eating at Taco Bell? Isn't the cow sacred to these people or something? Oh wait, that's not cow meat they are eating.
Q: Bluff Divers, Is there any merchandise for sale?
This is in the works. Thinking of starting with a basic navy blue and red t-shirt, followed by snorkel gear, flippers, shot glasses, baby bibs, foam fingers, and boxers. Then we will get crazy with the "Damn right I bluff dive," "I duked all over your bluff," "Big Hairy Bluff....Diver," "I am really small so I bluff dive," and of course, "Got Bluff Divers?" t-shirts.
Q: There is a reality show called Big Brother. There is a gay guy on the show that bears a striking resemblence to you. He also sounds just like you when you do your "hey guys, want to do the guinness toast" voice. Could this be a distant relative?
This must be my evil alternative lifestyle twin, Morton Mellon. A better question would be, "Dear Thorton, why the hell am I watching this lame ass t.v. show right now?" No seriously folks, I know that some of my relatives may have thought about taking the old berries on the chin, but I don't think any of them ever have...yet.
Q: Are the Dukes on t.v. tonight?
The answer to that is no. KQV 1410 radio is it unless you want to pay $9.95 per game to watch it online (the quality is not very good). Last year this was free. The Bluff Divers of Philadelphia chapter says this game will be televised locally in Philly. No A-10 games are on nationally until the final (there may be a semifinal game televised but I am not sure). We may get some local coverage if the Dukes make it past round one.
The A-10 t.v. deal is one of the worst of any major (ok, mid-major) basketball conference which is amazing considering the major markets that their teams play in. They need to get rid of league commisioner, Linda Bruno.
Q: Why do the Dukes constantly get homered by A-10 officials, even at home?
Well, in general A-10 officials are horrible...but you may have unlocked a HUGE conspiracy against the Dukes. THE COORDINATOR OF MEN"S OFFICIALS IS JIM SATALIN, former DUKES HEAD COACH. This man basically started the program in its downward spiral in the 80's and was ousted from Duquesne. This was not an amicable split by any means. The two men (the then president and provost) who gave him das boot were responsible for almost getting Duquesne's accreditation revoked, have both served jail sentences, and tried to oust Pops from the University. I can imagine that Satalin might be a little bitter towards his former place of employment. AHH HAA! So there it is.
Q: Why are D-Love and Party Joe such good friends now?
Party joe's psuedo stache tickles when they are making out. Plus, D-love learned a cool new way to walk and how to play songs on the jukebox for girls half his age at Pizza Milano's. "I played this song...for you!"
Q: Really, how old is Jimmy C. ?
Bluff Divers will only address this once. Jimmy C. will be 28 in April. His genetic man-child experiment, Cuomordie, however, will turn 56 in May.
Q: Who would win in a fight, Dr. Cox or Chancellor Von Helmut?
Considering that they are BFF's, I imagine that this fight is outside the realm of physical possibility. I won't waste my time in answering that question.
Q: Why are you the worst?
You must not know me very well.
Q: What's your prediction for tonight's game?
86-81 La Salle
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This man IS NOT A BLUFF DIVER
5 comments:
No wonder Jim Satalin is firmly opposed to seeing the Dukes succeed, his last name is a cross between Satan & Stalin. No two figures in history would be more opposed to Duquesne. Satan obviously because it is a catholic school & Stalin because it is a higher learning institution in the capitalist West. Commie bastard! The whole Osborne clan are wealthy elitists from Connecticut. We despise communism.
not far off on the final score prediction.
Yeah, I was pretty confident about the game until the last minute. Then I foresaw exactly what happened...which wasn't exactly hard if you watched the Dukes play this year as you know.
As a member of the Sacred Heart second 5, I take offense to that comment. In the final minutes of a game, we were known to be a shut down defense that featured "disabled night train" okobi, "damn i haven't showered in a week" worgul and of course, agent single zero.
Alas, the trials and tribulations of your grade school basketball career. I might post a touching article about your quest to score that season, entitled "Agent Zero, The Offensive Shortcomings of a Defensive Specialist. Can you stick 8 sakajeweia dollars up your nose?" or "I may have scored zero points, but I'll be your teammate for infinity!"
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