Five Factors....Duquesne vs. Shitt Preview

Well, we have reached it. The eve of the Dukes annual matchup against the Shitt Panthers and their egregious, ridiculously fairweather, awful, smelly fan base. Of all sporting events that take place on a yearly basis, particularly the ones in which the outcome is pretty much in the books, there is no other game that makes me more nervous, anxious, angry, and...well, drunk than the annual "City Game." By the way, I think Pittsburgh's own Dan Cortese came up with that ingenious and creative name when he was the "host" of the game circa 1994. I do believe that one day, when Thorton Mellon is the official game host, that we might come up with a better name for the game...like "Judges versus Janitors," for example. That being said, and since the Hippie Pinko Post-Gazette will only write about State-run institutions, I will now provide some reasons why our Dukes might just win this game. And in doing so will provide, in reality, five reasons they won't.

FIVE X FACTORS IN THE "CITY GAME"

1) Damian Saunders: While still playing out of position he is quickly becoming a dominate offensive and defensive force. He leads the nation in rebounding and is third in the country steals, averaging nearly 17, 16, and 4 per game. He grabbed 16 boards while facing the nation's second leading rebounder, surefire NBA prospect, and third cousin of Ivan Drago, Artisom Parakhouski of Radford (via Belarus). Pitt will run Nasir Robinson and Gary McGhee at him, and his play on both ends of the floor will make or break the Dukes. When he plays inspired basketball, the rest of the team responds to him in much the same way they did to Aaron Jackson, which is rare considering the position he plays.

2) Free Throw Shooting: I know this is a bit obvious and Madden-esque, but both teams are pretty abysmal from the charity stripe (Duq:61% Pitt:65%). This has plagued "Weasel" Dixon and "Teflon" Ron for as long as they both have been at the helm at each...eh em...respective school. "Helm" is a fitting word for both greased up sideline jockeys, isn't it? The team that can get to the line and actually knock down their fouls in clutch moments will come out on top. If they decide to not let Shitt play the mind-numbing, bull shit style typical of Big East rugby, nay basketball teams, the Dukes will get their chances at the line and they will need convert better than the sub-50% they shot against Radford to win.

3) Bench Play: Due to the injury of budding star Melquan Bolding, which I will argue is a bigger blow to the Dukes than Shitt losing Dixon for 8 weeks, the Dukes have been basically going a wopping total of 1-man deep on their bench. Additionally, Rodrigo Peggau is still not seeing minutes due to his bad knee and Melekalika Maka Williams looks like an incredible bust. If they get caught in foul trouble or shoot their emotional wad early, we could be facing a solid dose of Oliver Lewinson for extended parts of the game. I would rather stay at home and watch an endless loop of Failure to Launch than have to witness this in person. Pitt plays eight players and is very deep, albeit very young, in their front court. This could spell trouble for the Dukes.

4) Home-court Disadvantage: The Dukes "sold-out" their home-court advantage against Shitt in order to secure the 2012 NCAA tournament and to make nice-nice with the management staff of the Arena/Consol Energy center. This move will benefit fans of college hoops down the road, bring some cash into the program, and may allow the Dukes to ultimately host the A-10 tournament, but it definitely does not help this team beat the Shitt Panthers tomorrow night. I argued this 7 AND 12 years ago when the Dukes hosted the NCAA tourney...THE GOAL IS TO GO TO THE TOURNEY, NOT HOST IT!...A win against Shitt was way more probable at the Palumbo and would go a long way into legitimizing the Dukes' program in this city. The crowd will be decidedly in favor of Shitt, and this may play a factor if the game is close late and with the officials (who will probably be favoring Shitt anyways). It will also benefit Shitt's perimiter play as well, as the Panthers compete at many more venues with large or no shooting backgrounds, including the Pete. It may take a while for the Dukes to get used to the Arena, a notoriously difficult place to shoot.

5) Curses, and Ghosts, and Gin, oh my!: It is without a doubt that the passing of a certain legendary Bluff Diver, gin drinker, and sexual harrasser had a direct effect on the Dukes' magical run in the Atlantic-Ten tourney last year. Hopefully, the Dukes success will continue in the same fashion tomorrow night. In addition, I planted a Duquesne pin belonging to the curmudgeoned BluffDivers logo-model at Shitt's Chancellor's mansion this past summer in hopes of cursing the program and university that curdled both of our loins! Maybe, just maybe we will have someone looking down on our Dukes from up above that help get us just ONE VICTORY, ONE TIME against Shitt!!! If not, he will no doubt be watching with a smile as we get drunk either way.

LET'S GO DUKES! LET'S GO DUKES! LET'S GO DUKES!