- The good news: The Dukes win over Charlotte (picked third in A-10 preseason poll) was not only exciting but greatly encouraging in this burgeoning A-10 season. The Dukes were able to successfully break a 2-3 zone against a team whose biggest strength is its frontcourt. Without a doubt this was their best win of the year and the first time they have been able to stand tall against a team with such a vast size advantage. Brutally physical play by Damian Saunders (future A-10 player of the year) and Bill Clark (future gas attendant at Sunoco in Redondo Beach, Ca) allowed the Dukes to beat UNCC for only the second time in school history, the first coming in the NIT tourney of 1994! AJAX's 30 points also helped a little.
- The Bad News: The Dukes were AWFUL from the free throw line (shot 58% compared to Charlottes 91%). That will bite the Dukes square in the ass down the road. It also seemed like Eric Evans and Melquan Bolding...now known as Arnold and Willis (watch you talking about willis!)... took a step back from the progress they have been making in their respective freshman years. Lots of turnovers, lapses on defense, poor decisions, and lots of missed wide-open looks plagued both of the Dukes' top newcomers. On a side note, Bolding's alley oop- And 1- stuff was just sick. On another side note, if Eric Evans is Arnold and Melquan Bolding is Willis, does that make Ron Everhart Mr. Drummond or Mrs. Garret?
- After being assaulted by a parking lot after the game- hit square in the head by an automated parking arm- I saw former Pirates G.M. David Littlefield getting into his car after the game. Well, well, well Mr. Littlefield. Do you miss the 33% of capacity crowds? Or is it the decades long streak of no post-season play? Do the 90 degree temps of the Palumbo Center remind you of those warm summer days of losing games at PNC Park? Were you trying to convince Duquesne to sign you on as a front office guru? I have got it! You are spear heading the Dukes new marketing campaign, "We Will."
"We will...have fat cheerleaders," "We will...go 12-4 only to lose the next 10 straight games," "We will...help people lose weight by turning up the heat at the Palumbo to 108, "We will...help our coach land a job with a bigger program," "We will...not let bluff divers sit courtside for the games," "We will...play David Theis as much as possible," We will...treat our season ticket holders poorly," "We will...never beat Pitt or West Virginia," "We will...let FUCKING JARAD SADOWSKI play point guard."
Hey its....its better than 60% of the time we work hard everytime!
- CONGRATS PITT! It is great for the program, team, city and...eh hem...fans of Pitt that their...eh hem...beloved panthers are unanimously the number one team in the country. I recently was questioned on how I could not cheer for Pitt to win the national title. I simply responded that I am an actual fan of my basketball team. I attended games and cheered for my team for most of my life when they were fricking horrible! Through Satalin (big east head of officials), Carrol, Edgar, Porter, and Nee. Through 3-25. Through Niksa Tarle, and Kevin Shand, and Jack May. Bottom line is, I love the Dukes and therefore I hate Pitt and will always hate Pitt. Go Choke on Your Number One Ranking ...eh hem.... Panther Fans!
Cheering for a sports teams is like a marriage, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health. And while "forever and ever doesn't mean it anymore," I stick to my guns and root for the Dukes and whoever is playing Pitt. And while Pitt has dominated Duquesne my entire life, THEY ARE CROSSTOWN RIVALS!, and I will alway hate them. When Pitt was Shitt (not too long ago by the way) most of their...eh hem... fans were cheering for other teams, like Indiana or Kentucky, and not attending games at perhaps the worst venue in all of sports history, the Fieldhouse. With your cushy new venue and winning teams, and while playing in the...eh hem...powerhouse Big East, you still don't sell out your building.
At the same time Pitt was Shitt (and when Pitt was the shit too!), I was going to every Dukes game with Pops and sitting and waiting (and suffering) for the day the Dukes would return to the glory they had in his college days. While those days may never come, it will be pure sweet revenge on all you bandwagon Pitt fans if they do! It will also be pure sweet happiness for this TRUE FAN OF THE DUKES! Its worth the ride either way.
HERE IS HOPING PITT BECOMES THE FIRST NUMBER ONE TOURNEY SEED TO LOSE TO A SIXTEEN! OR BETTER YET, MAYBE A TWO OR THREE SEED THAT LOSES TO THE DUKES AFTER THEY WIN THE A-10 TOURNEY!!!! I REMIND YOU...EH HEM... PITT FANS THAT ALL GLORY IS FLEETING!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Twas the Night Before A BluffDivers Christmas
'Twas the night before Chrsitmas, and all nestled in.
Young Thorton was stirring a martini with gin;
The pizza was left for Santa with cheer,
And a Genesse Cream Ale, for a certain reindeer!
The children were wrestling thoughts in their heads,
Will it be electric toothbrushes, or tube socks instead?
And moms in her nighty, and pops' breath of pine;
were mixing both beer, bad gin, and cheap wine!
When out on the front porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.
Was it a vixen wearing panties sans crotch?
It was the local priest who'd drunk too much scotch!
Away to bed I flew like a flash,
Knowing these rupes was like having a rash;
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Predicted tomorrow was sure to blow!
The morning arrived and what to my eyes did appear,
Huge gifts by the tree to surprise us with cheer.
With a little luck, and by gods grace to thee,
A computer? Big Screen? Or (Gasp) Cable TV?
I knew in a minute like timing an egg,
Pops' terrycloth robe and thin chicken legs
As they downed the stairs with speed not too swift
A Christmas miracle, they actually bought us GOOD GIFTS!!!
"Now Iliya, Now Thorton, Now Poohead, please see
That I get the paper and a black decaf coffee"
To the landing bathroom i must adhere
To a large dookee before any gifts this year!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The sound of the flush came waffling by
As we sat under the piano we finally knew
They had made up for years of gifts that blew.
And then in a twinkling I heard living proof,
That pops j-noff was surely a goof!
As we sat by the fire with our hopes still around
Down with our dreams came a resounding sound
"Sons, with much due dillegence and with our great trust
We decided to make this Christmas...The Reading Christmas"
They surely were joking, this couldn't be true
We would open the boxes and wouldn't be blue!
We tore through the first box and with great disdain
Opened the complete hardback works of one Mark Twain.
The second box was opened with hope of the multimedia,
Nope! 40 volumes of Schmittanicca, the Amway Encyclopedia!
So bad was this gift on principle alone.
It made me want to leave and never come home.
The bad gifts continued to haunt poor Thortie
This encylcopedia was produced in early 1940!
Not only did this cause great stress and much strife!
It pretty much messed with a ten year old's life.
"What's wrong with the kids?" Cousin Dave quipped.
"These goddam brats, didn't like their gifts!"
"What did you get them, Uncle Nick, I might ask?"
"A nice set of encylopedia's." "Man, your an ass!"
And giving a nod, the glass he rose,
To torment his liver and blossom his nose!
But I still exclaim, and maybe I am right.
Happy Reading Christmas to All, And To All A Good Night!
Young Thorton was stirring a martini with gin;
The pizza was left for Santa with cheer,
And a Genesse Cream Ale, for a certain reindeer!
The children were wrestling thoughts in their heads,
Will it be electric toothbrushes, or tube socks instead?
And moms in her nighty, and pops' breath of pine;
were mixing both beer, bad gin, and cheap wine!
When out on the front porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.
Was it a vixen wearing panties sans crotch?
It was the local priest who'd drunk too much scotch!
Away to bed I flew like a flash,
Knowing these rupes was like having a rash;
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Predicted tomorrow was sure to blow!
The morning arrived and what to my eyes did appear,
Huge gifts by the tree to surprise us with cheer.
With a little luck, and by gods grace to thee,
A computer? Big Screen? Or (Gasp) Cable TV?
I knew in a minute like timing an egg,
Pops' terrycloth robe and thin chicken legs
As they downed the stairs with speed not too swift
A Christmas miracle, they actually bought us GOOD GIFTS!!!
"Now Iliya, Now Thorton, Now Poohead, please see
That I get the paper and a black decaf coffee"
To the landing bathroom i must adhere
To a large dookee before any gifts this year!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The sound of the flush came waffling by
As we sat under the piano we finally knew
They had made up for years of gifts that blew.
And then in a twinkling I heard living proof,
That pops j-noff was surely a goof!
As we sat by the fire with our hopes still around
Down with our dreams came a resounding sound
"Sons, with much due dillegence and with our great trust
We decided to make this Christmas...The Reading Christmas"
They surely were joking, this couldn't be true
We would open the boxes and wouldn't be blue!
We tore through the first box and with great disdain
Opened the complete hardback works of one Mark Twain.
The second box was opened with hope of the multimedia,
Nope! 40 volumes of Schmittanicca, the Amway Encyclopedia!
So bad was this gift on principle alone.
It made me want to leave and never come home.
The bad gifts continued to haunt poor Thortie
This encylcopedia was produced in early 1940!
Not only did this cause great stress and much strife!
It pretty much messed with a ten year old's life.
"What's wrong with the kids?" Cousin Dave quipped.
"These goddam brats, didn't like their gifts!"
"What did you get them, Uncle Nick, I might ask?"
"A nice set of encylopedia's." "Man, your an ass!"
And giving a nod, the glass he rose,
To torment his liver and blossom his nose!
But I still exclaim, and maybe I am right.
Happy Reading Christmas to All, And To All A Good Night!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Why No Response? My letter to athletic director Greg Amodio.
I can't believe he didn't respond to this
March 17, 2008
Mr. Greg Amodio
Director of Athletics
Duquesne University
Pittsburgh, PA
Dear Mr. Amodio.
Greetings! My name is [Thorton Mellon] and I am an avid supporter of Duquesne University Basketball. I am a third generation alumnus (Marketing and Sports Marketing '02, Magna Cum Laude) and a former Duquesne University Basketball ball boy (88-94). I currently share season tickets with my father (Bus '56), who is a Duquesne University faculty member and has been a season ticket holder for over thirty years. I am also the editor-in-chief of a satirical, informative, and wildly popular Duquesne Basketball sports blog known as http://www.bluffdivers.com/. In addition, I have professional experience in marketing, broadcasting, advertising, and sales with two separate Major League Baseball organziations.
We at "BluffDivers" would all like to extend our congratulations and thanks for this season's continued improvement and success. I speak for literally hundreds of my website's followers when I say it feels great to cheer on competitive basketball games being played at the Palumbo!!! We all appreciate the solid job that you and Coach Everhart have done. Hopefully this improvement will continue and we will one day be able to take our loyal legion of BluffDivers on the road to watch the Dukes in the NCAA tourney!!! That being said, we have come up with a list of suggestions that will take the Duquesne University hoops experience to the next level. I ask that you explore these suggestions with an open mind. The list is in no particular order:
1) Increase the athletic apparel options. The Dukes have a great new logo and we would love to support our alma mater by purchasing some new gear! Our choices, and access to purchase these choices, remain very limited compared to other top Atlantic Ten programs.
2) Bring the bleachers back down to the floor. The relatively new hardwood may limit this, but the closer the fans are to the players and the floor the better.
3) Have a cheering squad that better represents the spirit of college athletics and athleticisim. While we support the hard work that all of the members of the cheering squad put forth, the image of Duquesne that some participants portray is substantially less than that of health and fitness. Some members are honestly an embarassment to the school and program. I know we need bases for the pyramids, but at what cost to the the university's image? Let alone twinkie supply.
4) Play more family and sports oriented music at the games. This does not intend to bash the pep band, which we feel does a very commendable job. In fact the more pep band the better. Yet the rap music blasted through the PA and sound system at schrill volumes and pitch levels does not make for a festive game time atmosphere and quite frankly is abrasive and offensive to many. More jock jams, less Young Joc please.
5) Continue to increase the participation of local high schools, grade schools, and charities. There are lots of empty seats at the Palumbo that could be sold at substantial discounts to students or used in fundraising efforts by local schools and youth organizaitons.
6) TURN DOWN THE HEAT IN THE PALUMBO. It is a veritable sweat box in the place and has been for years. The temperature is legitamately stifling and it directly decreases the energy level of the crowd. We honestly wear t-shirts and shorts in the dead of winter to Dukes games because of the Palumbo's sauna-like ambience.
7) Involve students who live off campus. Many students live in the South Side, as I did when I attended Duquesne. Running a pre- and post-game shuttle would be a great service to upper classmen and of-age students who wish to responsibly consume adult beverages before Dukes games. It would also promote more of a "big game" atmosphere. When I was in school we had a "happy bus" that ran between South Side, Oakland, and campus on the weekends. The Palumbo needs to be a "happier" place.
8) Spruce up the Palumbo's interior (paint and stain) and remove the large black curtain to expose the brick (if possible). The black curtain just seems out of place and the building's maintenance seems dingy at times.
9) Bring back the halftime Dukes Court reception. I looked forward to this every game with my father when it was still operational. I would gladly donate to the Dukes Court if they brought this back as would many of my fellow alumni and almost all of the followers of http://www.bluffdivers.com/. I personally think this is a great tool to solicite donations and alumni giving. We were very dissappointed with the athletic department when this was discontinued.
10) Have a season ticket holder function and meet and greet before and after the season as a way to give back to your small, but loyal, hardcore Dukes fans.
I appreciate your time and consideration for all the above suggestions and welcome you to contact me personally to discuss any of the the aforementioned ideas. Thank you and we at BluffDivers wish you, Coach Everhart, the team, and the program succes for many years to come. Let's Go Dukes!
Yours Truly,
[Thorton Mellon]
March 17, 2008
Mr. Greg Amodio
Director of Athletics
Duquesne University
Pittsburgh, PA
Dear Mr. Amodio.
Greetings! My name is [Thorton Mellon] and I am an avid supporter of Duquesne University Basketball. I am a third generation alumnus (Marketing and Sports Marketing '02, Magna Cum Laude) and a former Duquesne University Basketball ball boy (88-94). I currently share season tickets with my father (Bus '56), who is a Duquesne University faculty member and has been a season ticket holder for over thirty years. I am also the editor-in-chief of a satirical, informative, and wildly popular Duquesne Basketball sports blog known as http://www.bluffdivers.com/. In addition, I have professional experience in marketing, broadcasting, advertising, and sales with two separate Major League Baseball organziations.
We at "BluffDivers" would all like to extend our congratulations and thanks for this season's continued improvement and success. I speak for literally hundreds of my website's followers when I say it feels great to cheer on competitive basketball games being played at the Palumbo!!! We all appreciate the solid job that you and Coach Everhart have done. Hopefully this improvement will continue and we will one day be able to take our loyal legion of BluffDivers on the road to watch the Dukes in the NCAA tourney!!! That being said, we have come up with a list of suggestions that will take the Duquesne University hoops experience to the next level. I ask that you explore these suggestions with an open mind. The list is in no particular order:
1) Increase the athletic apparel options. The Dukes have a great new logo and we would love to support our alma mater by purchasing some new gear! Our choices, and access to purchase these choices, remain very limited compared to other top Atlantic Ten programs.
2) Bring the bleachers back down to the floor. The relatively new hardwood may limit this, but the closer the fans are to the players and the floor the better.
3) Have a cheering squad that better represents the spirit of college athletics and athleticisim. While we support the hard work that all of the members of the cheering squad put forth, the image of Duquesne that some participants portray is substantially less than that of health and fitness. Some members are honestly an embarassment to the school and program. I know we need bases for the pyramids, but at what cost to the the university's image? Let alone twinkie supply.
4) Play more family and sports oriented music at the games. This does not intend to bash the pep band, which we feel does a very commendable job. In fact the more pep band the better. Yet the rap music blasted through the PA and sound system at schrill volumes and pitch levels does not make for a festive game time atmosphere and quite frankly is abrasive and offensive to many. More jock jams, less Young Joc please.
5) Continue to increase the participation of local high schools, grade schools, and charities. There are lots of empty seats at the Palumbo that could be sold at substantial discounts to students or used in fundraising efforts by local schools and youth organizaitons.
6) TURN DOWN THE HEAT IN THE PALUMBO. It is a veritable sweat box in the place and has been for years. The temperature is legitamately stifling and it directly decreases the energy level of the crowd. We honestly wear t-shirts and shorts in the dead of winter to Dukes games because of the Palumbo's sauna-like ambience.
7) Involve students who live off campus. Many students live in the South Side, as I did when I attended Duquesne. Running a pre- and post-game shuttle would be a great service to upper classmen and of-age students who wish to responsibly consume adult beverages before Dukes games. It would also promote more of a "big game" atmosphere. When I was in school we had a "happy bus" that ran between South Side, Oakland, and campus on the weekends. The Palumbo needs to be a "happier" place.
8) Spruce up the Palumbo's interior (paint and stain) and remove the large black curtain to expose the brick (if possible). The black curtain just seems out of place and the building's maintenance seems dingy at times.
9) Bring back the halftime Dukes Court reception. I looked forward to this every game with my father when it was still operational. I would gladly donate to the Dukes Court if they brought this back as would many of my fellow alumni and almost all of the followers of http://www.bluffdivers.com/. I personally think this is a great tool to solicite donations and alumni giving. We were very dissappointed with the athletic department when this was discontinued.
10) Have a season ticket holder function and meet and greet before and after the season as a way to give back to your small, but loyal, hardcore Dukes fans.
I appreciate your time and consideration for all the above suggestions and welcome you to contact me personally to discuss any of the the aforementioned ideas. Thank you and we at BluffDivers wish you, Coach Everhart, the team, and the program succes for many years to come. Let's Go Dukes!
Yours Truly,
[Thorton Mellon]
Friday, December 5, 2008
Bluff Divers Hit the Road....And Realize Pitt Sucks.
-Taking the Red-Eye from Vegas to see our Dukes take on the much-hated Duke Blue Devils (then #9) was truly a great experience. A big thanks to the insider that hooked us up with tickets. You are now a lifetime Bluff Diver!
-Cameron indoor was amazing. The fans were friendly, knowledgeable, (the Duke fans sitting behind us knew more about the Dukes than most Dukes fans...that sounds a little confusing I know), and although the Dukes got smushed on national t.v. is was for lack of a better word "good times." Big shout out to Greg Immodium A.D., who doesn't return my letters, for getting our Ducks on national t.v. on a day where every high school prospect in the country does not have school.
-Also "good times" were the ugly hotel bartendar seeking a double team from the Road Bluff Divers because we were from the north, the amount of booze consumed on no sleep, quoting a UNC co-ed "we were just talking about how bad you suck," and having a cab stop at Wendy's and Rick Shaw walking through the drive through.
-Playing one of the toughest early schedules in the country, Bluff Divers then traveled to the Pitt's of hell, Oakland, PA. The Dukes took on a certain group of criminals who no doubt will end up in jail shortly after not graduating (taser) and are masquerading themselves as a good basketball team. At least one that will make it past the second round of the NCAA tournament. Wait a minute, some of these kids should be in jail now. Wait a minute, I think Sam Young is 29 years old so I shouldn't call them kids. And while the Dukes got smushed again, I have determined that the Pitt program, their fans, and their team all suck a big fat one! And here's why:
1) You are the number three team in the country and don't sell out your building when school is in session. If I were a Pitt fan (just threw up a little), I would be most embarassed about this.
2) You have the least knowledgable fans in the country. Pitiful how little you know about basketball...There was basketball played in this city prior to the Vonteego Cummings era! Or for those super fans, prior to the Jerome Lane and Charles Smith era of underachievers.
3) You have played one quality opponent on the ROAD in the last ten years (Duke at MSG does not count!) and Dayton, a team hosed by the NCAA tourney committee, bit the piss out of you last year. Wait a minute, Dayton plays in the A-10. This is why you need to stop whining about your seed in the tourney.
4) You stink in the NCAA tournament. When will teams realize that winning the Big Least tournaments MEANS NOTHING if you can't get out of the second round.
5) You sold your football soul out for your basketball program
6) You sold the city's soul out when you refused to work with the Penguins on a new arena.
7) Other than your medical and dental school, you are one step above CCAC and the vast majority of your students can't spell.
8) For the first time in 28 years of my life, Dukes season ticket holders could not buy tickets to the away Pitt vs. Duquesne game (I have refused to call this the City Game ever since Dan Cortese "hosted" the game at the arena circa '94)....This makes me wonder if Pitt might be a little nervous the red-headed stepchild Dukes program isn't catching up a little bit.
9) You play in the worlds most overrated sports entity, the Big East Conference.
10) YOU JUST PLAIN SUCK PITT!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
All-Star Game '08- I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Are you serious with this crap?
Joe Buck just said "Let's hope the game can live up to what we just saw on the field." If what happens during the game is anything like what I just saw, I am turning it off and going to rent The Notebook. I will then watch it nine straight times while sticking sharp metal objects up my rear (which will be only done so I can stomach the worst movie of all time).
Let's See. Where do I start?
Seeing Wade Boggs in a Yankee cap standing next to Gay-Rod (homo juicer) just makes me want to puke. I hate you Wade. Go eat some chicken. 11 of your best 18 years (except for '92) were spent as a Sox until you took less money (after hitting .259 in '92) to sell your soul to to the devil. You were inducted into the Hall of Fame for what you did in Boston not NYC jagoff. You went in as a Red Sox, wear the right cap! ehhh. (FYI Dave Winfield and Gary Carter sported two hats... idiot!)
I just saw George Steinbrenner, one of the biggest assholes in professional sports history, get carted on to the field like he was some great baseball hero to throw out the first pitch (a fellow bluff diver confirmed that he greeted Reggie Jackson with a racial epithet btw). This whole thing is a travesty. It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham... to say the least.
Steinbrenner. WHATTT? The owner?? This owner? I thought this game was supposed to be about players, heroes, memories, etc. Complete bull shit.
Anyone remember in '99 when they carted Teddy Ballgame out to throw the first pitch at Fenway and everybody knew that it would be the last time the greatest hitter of all time (don't even try to argue that one!) would walk on to the true hallowed grounds of Fenway Park? I shed a tear that night. I just heaved my remote against the wall tonight. Leave it to the TRUE EVIL EMPIRE to fudge up the mid-summer classic (like Bud Selig already hasn't done that enough).
If anyone is keeping score at home... Ted Williams: .344 ba, .482 obp-wow, 521 hr, .634 slg, 525 2b, 1839 rbi, 2654 h, 709 career strikeouts (mind boggling for a power hitter at 1 so per every 3.33 games). Did I mention he missed 5 full seasons killing japs and koreans and keeping this country free? Did I mention he hit in one of the worst parks in major league history for pull hitting lefties? Did I mention he played the majority of his career after the color barrier had been broken and before the mound was lowered (1969)? Did I mention the "shift" was invented because of Ted Williams? Again, don't try to argue this one (that means you twinkie!). If he played at "Yankee Stadium" and stayed stateside during WWII and Korea he would have hit at least 800 home runs. Oh yeah, forgot to mention .406!
If anyone else is keeping score at home, YANKEE STADIUM WAS REBUILT ALMOST FROM SCRATCH IN 1974-75! This "renovation" cost $160 million, or about twice as much as what PNC Park cost to build in today's prices. It took two full seasons to "renovate" and the Yankees played in Shea. The Yankees are closing Yankee Stadium II to increase revenue streams that already are number one in the league by a wide margin. Greed chasing more greed. Would you please stop acting like this is some big deal? The stadium is 32 fricking years old. 32 fricking years old!!! Ridiculous. Just Ridiculous.
Anyone remember that the Indians wanted Xavier Nady for Cliff Lee? Wonder if they would take that deal now? That non-move may prove to be almost as bad as passing on Jason Christiansen for Andruw Jones, straight up, in Jones' rookie year. I just threw up in my mouth a little again.
They just showed a clip from 1956. Guess what, that game was played in a stadium that was torn down in 1974!
Why don't they show clips of the biggest CHOKE IN PLAYOFF HISTORY in 2004?
I can't believe we have five more years left on the Fox MLB contract. If I could pick a time period to go def for about five years, now would be that time.
This sucks. MicCarver Sucks (my new spelling). Buck Sucks. Fox Sucks. Yankees Suck. Jeter Sucks. O'Neil sucks. AROD swallows.
MicCarver just said Ichiro is "hands down" the best right fielder since Clemente. Hands Down Timmy? While Ichiro is sweet, I wonder what Reggie Jackson, Tony Gwynn, Dave Winfield, Dave Parker, Andre Dawson, Dwight Evans, Lary Walker, Rusty Staub (Le Grande Orange), MY BOY Harold Baines, and Joe Carter would have to say about that... asshole?
F' it. I am turning this off and going to watch the I am going to watch The Notebook.
Joe Buck just said "Let's hope the game can live up to what we just saw on the field." If what happens during the game is anything like what I just saw, I am turning it off and going to rent The Notebook. I will then watch it nine straight times while sticking sharp metal objects up my rear (which will be only done so I can stomach the worst movie of all time).
Let's See. Where do I start?
Seeing Wade Boggs in a Yankee cap standing next to Gay-Rod (homo juicer) just makes me want to puke. I hate you Wade. Go eat some chicken. 11 of your best 18 years (except for '92) were spent as a Sox until you took less money (after hitting .259 in '92) to sell your soul to to the devil. You were inducted into the Hall of Fame for what you did in Boston not NYC jagoff. You went in as a Red Sox, wear the right cap! ehhh. (FYI Dave Winfield and Gary Carter sported two hats... idiot!)
I just saw George Steinbrenner, one of the biggest assholes in professional sports history, get carted on to the field like he was some great baseball hero to throw out the first pitch (a fellow bluff diver confirmed that he greeted Reggie Jackson with a racial epithet btw). This whole thing is a travesty. It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham... to say the least.
Steinbrenner. WHATTT? The owner?? This owner? I thought this game was supposed to be about players, heroes, memories, etc. Complete bull shit.
Anyone remember in '99 when they carted Teddy Ballgame out to throw the first pitch at Fenway and everybody knew that it would be the last time the greatest hitter of all time (don't even try to argue that one!) would walk on to the true hallowed grounds of Fenway Park? I shed a tear that night. I just heaved my remote against the wall tonight. Leave it to the TRUE EVIL EMPIRE to fudge up the mid-summer classic (like Bud Selig already hasn't done that enough).
If anyone is keeping score at home... Ted Williams: .344 ba, .482 obp-wow, 521 hr, .634 slg, 525 2b, 1839 rbi, 2654 h, 709 career strikeouts (mind boggling for a power hitter at 1 so per every 3.33 games). Did I mention he missed 5 full seasons killing japs and koreans and keeping this country free? Did I mention he hit in one of the worst parks in major league history for pull hitting lefties? Did I mention he played the majority of his career after the color barrier had been broken and before the mound was lowered (1969)? Did I mention the "shift" was invented because of Ted Williams? Again, don't try to argue this one (that means you twinkie!). If he played at "Yankee Stadium" and stayed stateside during WWII and Korea he would have hit at least 800 home runs. Oh yeah, forgot to mention .406!
If anyone else is keeping score at home, YANKEE STADIUM WAS REBUILT ALMOST FROM SCRATCH IN 1974-75! This "renovation" cost $160 million, or about twice as much as what PNC Park cost to build in today's prices. It took two full seasons to "renovate" and the Yankees played in Shea. The Yankees are closing Yankee Stadium II to increase revenue streams that already are number one in the league by a wide margin. Greed chasing more greed. Would you please stop acting like this is some big deal? The stadium is 32 fricking years old. 32 fricking years old!!! Ridiculous. Just Ridiculous.
Anyone remember that the Indians wanted Xavier Nady for Cliff Lee? Wonder if they would take that deal now? That non-move may prove to be almost as bad as passing on Jason Christiansen for Andruw Jones, straight up, in Jones' rookie year. I just threw up in my mouth a little again.
They just showed a clip from 1956. Guess what, that game was played in a stadium that was torn down in 1974!
Why don't they show clips of the biggest CHOKE IN PLAYOFF HISTORY in 2004?
I can't believe we have five more years left on the Fox MLB contract. If I could pick a time period to go def for about five years, now would be that time.
This sucks. MicCarver Sucks (my new spelling). Buck Sucks. Fox Sucks. Yankees Suck. Jeter Sucks. O'Neil sucks. AROD swallows.
MicCarver just said Ichiro is "hands down" the best right fielder since Clemente. Hands Down Timmy? While Ichiro is sweet, I wonder what Reggie Jackson, Tony Gwynn, Dave Winfield, Dave Parker, Andre Dawson, Dwight Evans, Lary Walker, Rusty Staub (Le Grande Orange), MY BOY Harold Baines, and Joe Carter would have to say about that... asshole?
F' it. I am turning this off and going to watch the I am going to watch The Notebook.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Why Interleague Play Sucks and How BluffDivers Plans to Save Baseball!
- Interleague play is the brain child that Alan "Bud" Selig views as his crowing achievement. (Gee, I thought it would be juiced up freaks-brian giles-shooting monkey testosterone up each others butts post locker room shenanigan's for 10 years). It is hands down the worst thing that has ever happened to baseball (other than the Pirates red jerseys and having playgrounds at these new retro parks). Here's why interleague blows: It sort of ruined the world series and definitely ruined the all-star game, it is unfair to teams with and without "natural rivals," its screws up the schedule, it messes with pennant races, it puts American League pitchers in risk of being injured (you try swinging a bat and running the bases after not doing it for 4 months), and last but not least it makes deadline deal cross-league trades less sexy.
- Allow me to bitch a little. Remember 2003? The Aaron Boone game? The worst managed game in baseball history (thanks Grady Little). What people don't know is that game would have been played at Fenway Park had it not been for interleague. The Red Sox had the best record by 3 games over the Yankees against the AMERICAN LEAGUE. All that means was that they were the best team in their league, division, and probably baseball, and should have had home field advantage in the playoffs. They would have had the final say at the plate that game. Enter Bud Selig. Interleague play gave the Sox series against the stalwart Braves and gave the Yankees the "subway series" against the lowly Mets. Two questions remain: 1) How in the superbeing's name are the Braves the Red Sox natural rival? (eh hem they already have one of those Bud and the Braves stopped playing in baseball in Boston when Pops was in high school....a long time ago for those of you that don't know) and 2) When will this all end? The leagues should be separate! They should have separate presidents (Bud eliminated those too)! They already have separate rules, styles of play, ball parks, players, etc. Keep it that way.
- On a side note: Man do playgrounds at ball parks jack me off. I might have the worst case of ADHD ever diagnosed but when I was a kid I couldn't wait to just go to the ballpark and take in the sights and sounds of the greatest sport, game, activity, pastime, and social institution this world has ever known. If you want your kids to go to the playground take them to the fricking playground. Go to the ballpark if you want to teach your child our national treasure, and most importantly, provide him or her with memories that will last a lifetime.
That being said if I were commissioner of MLB heres how I save baseball:
1) Get rid of Interleague Play, immediately. Issue official apologies to everyone that had to suffer through Pirates vs Royals and to those fans whose teams got screwed by Interleague. Looks like I get two apologies, Bud!
2) Shorten the season to 154 games, then play the wild card series on what would have been the last week of the season. This will make the playoff races and regular season more intense and will allow the World Series to end before Christmas.
3) Play playoff day games. Even if maybe only on weekends (including Friday). For those of you that remember them, nothing beats 'em. If they are worried about losing advertising dollars they shouldn't. Imagine the good PR that a company would received if they said "Bluff Divers, bringing day baseball back to America because we love America and America loves day baseball! Game 3 up next from PNC PARK. Catch an all new Maury following the game!
4) Limit the number of bobblehead promotions to 3 per team and force the person whose likeness is being used to have appeared in at least one all-star game and/or have one post-season award and/or have lead the league in one positive category (Sorry Ronny Paulino, your record for hot dogs and nachos consumed during an innning break does not qualify).
5) Force people who buy tickets to bobblehead games either: a) prove they attend at least 10 non-bobblehead games within the last or current season or b) buy tickets to 5 tuesday night games and c) keep score of the game in progress. The same could be said about Fireworks nights.
6) Require all teams to release unsold seats one half hour prior to game time for $5 with a valid or quasi valid student id. Including seats in the club level and home plate area!
7) Get rid of all playgrounds and secondary mascots.
8) Allow select fans to tarp slide during rain delays (I have tarp slid on multiple occasions...its quite possibly the most fun thing I have ever done and would be an awesome promotion).
9) BRING BACK BULL PEN CARTS!
10) TAKE TIM MCCARVER AND JOE BUCK AND SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD!!! (please also slowly torture Greg Brown). Scratch that, please slowly torture those idiots too!
11) Require all teams to show either Field of Dreams, Natural, Bull Durham or "Enriquo Palaco" clips at all games.
- Allow me to bitch a little. Remember 2003? The Aaron Boone game? The worst managed game in baseball history (thanks Grady Little). What people don't know is that game would have been played at Fenway Park had it not been for interleague. The Red Sox had the best record by 3 games over the Yankees against the AMERICAN LEAGUE. All that means was that they were the best team in their league, division, and probably baseball, and should have had home field advantage in the playoffs. They would have had the final say at the plate that game. Enter Bud Selig. Interleague play gave the Sox series against the stalwart Braves and gave the Yankees the "subway series" against the lowly Mets. Two questions remain: 1) How in the superbeing's name are the Braves the Red Sox natural rival? (eh hem they already have one of those Bud and the Braves stopped playing in baseball in Boston when Pops was in high school....a long time ago for those of you that don't know) and 2) When will this all end? The leagues should be separate! They should have separate presidents (Bud eliminated those too)! They already have separate rules, styles of play, ball parks, players, etc. Keep it that way.
- On a side note: Man do playgrounds at ball parks jack me off. I might have the worst case of ADHD ever diagnosed but when I was a kid I couldn't wait to just go to the ballpark and take in the sights and sounds of the greatest sport, game, activity, pastime, and social institution this world has ever known. If you want your kids to go to the playground take them to the fricking playground. Go to the ballpark if you want to teach your child our national treasure, and most importantly, provide him or her with memories that will last a lifetime.
That being said if I were commissioner of MLB heres how I save baseball:
1) Get rid of Interleague Play, immediately. Issue official apologies to everyone that had to suffer through Pirates vs Royals and to those fans whose teams got screwed by Interleague. Looks like I get two apologies, Bud!
2) Shorten the season to 154 games, then play the wild card series on what would have been the last week of the season. This will make the playoff races and regular season more intense and will allow the World Series to end before Christmas.
3) Play playoff day games. Even if maybe only on weekends (including Friday). For those of you that remember them, nothing beats 'em. If they are worried about losing advertising dollars they shouldn't. Imagine the good PR that a company would received if they said "Bluff Divers, bringing day baseball back to America because we love America and America loves day baseball! Game 3 up next from PNC PARK. Catch an all new Maury following the game!
4) Limit the number of bobblehead promotions to 3 per team and force the person whose likeness is being used to have appeared in at least one all-star game and/or have one post-season award and/or have lead the league in one positive category (Sorry Ronny Paulino, your record for hot dogs and nachos consumed during an innning break does not qualify).
5) Force people who buy tickets to bobblehead games either: a) prove they attend at least 10 non-bobblehead games within the last or current season or b) buy tickets to 5 tuesday night games and c) keep score of the game in progress. The same could be said about Fireworks nights.
6) Require all teams to release unsold seats one half hour prior to game time for $5 with a valid or quasi valid student id. Including seats in the club level and home plate area!
7) Get rid of all playgrounds and secondary mascots.
8) Allow select fans to tarp slide during rain delays (I have tarp slid on multiple occasions...its quite possibly the most fun thing I have ever done and would be an awesome promotion).
9) BRING BACK BULL PEN CARTS!
10) TAKE TIM MCCARVER AND JOE BUCK AND SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD!!! (please also slowly torture Greg Brown). Scratch that, please slowly torture those idiots too!
11) Require all teams to show either Field of Dreams, Natural, Bull Durham or "Enriquo Palaco" clips at all games.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
It's been a long time since I left you...with a dope blog to step two.
A PLEDGE TO ALL BLUFF DIVERS....FROM HERE ON FORTH I PROMISE TO BLUFF DIVE AT LEAST ONCE PER WEEK UNTIL THE FALL RECRUITING PERIOD ENDS FOR HOOPS. I WILL THEN GO BLACK! TO BLUFF DIVING AT LEAST TRI-WEEKLY. THAT BEING SAID, A BRIEF EXPLANATION OF MY CONSPICUOUS WHEREABOUTS.....
Top Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging:
1) My Hippie Liberal Bull Shit Hand Me Down Macintosh Computer Sucks.
2) My mind has gone completely numb watching Pirate baseball
3) I am working like a Jamaican with tenteen jobs...booyaca, rasta rasta, falla me, de gyal dem suga
4) Did I mention I have a homosexual computer? FYI I am officially the only registered republican that has a macintosh in their possession
5) I have finally gone blind from spending way too much time with man's best friend....internet porn
6) I have been busy brushing up my game at local college bars...as many of you know this consists mainly of "lies and tequilla." If you were wondering, its like riding a bike. And, when at the pinnacle of its effectiveness, women between the ages of 18-21 cannot defend against it.
7) I have not yet recovered from Kojo Mensah and Shawn James signing agents....on a side note the pot on the bluff must be really good nowadays.
8) I have been doing stunt double work for Mario Lopez.
9) I have taken up jazzercise at the robinson senior center. I am also volunteering at planned parenthood (you can actually do both!)
10) Everytime I see Hillary Cee U Next Tuesday Clinton's chipmunk face on television I vomit for about ten days.....I also have to be restrained from bludgeoning my McGovern voting computer with a baseball bat on a daily basis....
Top Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging:
1) My Hippie Liberal Bull Shit Hand Me Down Macintosh Computer Sucks.
2) My mind has gone completely numb watching Pirate baseball
3) I am working like a Jamaican with tenteen jobs...booyaca, rasta rasta, falla me, de gyal dem suga
4) Did I mention I have a homosexual computer? FYI I am officially the only registered republican that has a macintosh in their possession
5) I have finally gone blind from spending way too much time with man's best friend....internet porn
6) I have been busy brushing up my game at local college bars...as many of you know this consists mainly of "lies and tequilla." If you were wondering, its like riding a bike. And, when at the pinnacle of its effectiveness, women between the ages of 18-21 cannot defend against it.
7) I have not yet recovered from Kojo Mensah and Shawn James signing agents....on a side note the pot on the bluff must be really good nowadays.
8) I have been doing stunt double work for Mario Lopez.
9) I have taken up jazzercise at the robinson senior center. I am also volunteering at planned parenthood (you can actually do both!)
10) Everytime I see Hillary Cee U Next Tuesday Clinton's chipmunk face on television I vomit for about ten days.....I also have to be restrained from bludgeoning my McGovern voting computer with a baseball bat on a daily basis....
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This man IS NOT A BLUFF DIVER
