Majerus, confused and corpulent, laments with Mr. Connie Chung
-The Dukes wrapped up their first winning season in 14 years on Saturday with a thrashing of Rick Majerus' St. Louis Billikens! I am not quite sure what a Billiken is. I think it is the second cousin of the grinch that stole christmas or something. I don't know. Regardless, it has thus ended Bluff Divers' Dukes writing strike.
-Highlights of the game included 6'10'' Keiron Archara's first dunk of the season...yes, you read that correctly...and solid performances from Reggie "I must kill the queen" Jackson and Gary "King" Tucker on senior night. (I stole that from an eight year old at the Palumbo who had a "king tuck" sign and also was sporting a scotch tape makeshift Jason Duty jersey....nice)
-Amazingly during the game Rick Majerus consumed 2 primanitis' sandwiches, 3 hostess apple pies, 2 hot pockets, a fudgesickle, a point guard, 2 aeillo's pizzas, a pallet of nerds candy, suffered three heart attacks, and pleasured himself to a picture of Barack O'Bama hugging Hillary Clinton. He followed this by cursing out and choking a player, going to a pro-choice rally, then saying three Rosarys. Quite entertaining.
-Post-game, Majerus was spotted passed out at Fat Head's in Pittsburgh's historic South Side after consuming everything on the first two pages of the menu plus italian skins and every draft beer. He was forceably removed by the "jaws of life" which can all be seen next Friday on the Maury Povich show. Side Question: Why aren't italian skins on the menu at Fat Head's?
-A special thanks to my first cousin Dave (otherwise know as BCD) for pledging his support of the Bluff Diver nation in front of my entire family, while not being provoked to do so! This was surprising as he was left off the famous Bulgarian American list in error. Classic. Thinking of naming a new Bluff Diver award in his honor. The Divine Sisters of the Busted Clitoris "Crotch Turkey" Award. Haven't decided who will be the first recipient of this prestigious hardware!
-The Dukes may have lucked out with their A-10 tourney seeding. They will play the only team in the tourney with a losing record (La Salle) to open round one. They will get a very beatable Temple team in round two if they win. Umass, Rhode Island, or Charlotte in the semis if they win that. They would not have to face Xavier, the only team that truly pounded the Dukes, hypothetically until the finals. Prediction: Four point loss to La Salle
- Call me a dreamer: Dukes beat La Salle and Temple. Rhode Island beats Charlotte and Umass. Dukes avenge BS loss to Rhode Island (they got homered BIG TIME that game). That would all but guarantee the Dukes an NIT bid. They would then square up against Xavier who would: a) be overlooking the Dukes because of how easily they beat them the last game and b) might be resting on their laurels a little bit because they have an automatic bid locked up. Dukes win on a buzzer beater from Aaron Jackson (avenging the game tying buzzer beater he missed against Richmond). Dukes get a 12 seed and upset a five (evenging the BS loss to Drake..number five in espn.com bracketology, perhaps?) in the NCAA tournament. Bill Clark (6 for 12 from 3 point land last three games) regains early season form and lights it up for 24 in the first round game.
-That won't happen for three reasons: 1) They won't let it 2) The Dukes are no good 3) Shawn James is really hurt and should not be playing nor should he have played against St. Louis.
-Here are two reasons it will happen: 1) Pops officially announced his retirment from Duquesne after approximately 84 years of service and 2) The Dukes car decal that I put on "Mr. Lucky" (my car's nickname since I bought it on 7/11/07) following the Dayton game was removed via the ice storm preceeding the St. Louis victory. Signs from the Superbeing no doubt!
-In related news, a special Happy Birthday to Pops...who turned 73 today. Let's hope the Dukes return to glory for Pop's sake in his golden years.
-Highlights of the game included 6'10'' Keiron Archara's first dunk of the season...yes, you read that correctly...and solid performances from Reggie "I must kill the queen" Jackson and Gary "King" Tucker on senior night. (I stole that from an eight year old at the Palumbo who had a "king tuck" sign and also was sporting a scotch tape makeshift Jason Duty jersey....nice)
-Amazingly during the game Rick Majerus consumed 2 primanitis' sandwiches, 3 hostess apple pies, 2 hot pockets, a fudgesickle, a point guard, 2 aeillo's pizzas, a pallet of nerds candy, suffered three heart attacks, and pleasured himself to a picture of Barack O'Bama hugging Hillary Clinton. He followed this by cursing out and choking a player, going to a pro-choice rally, then saying three Rosarys. Quite entertaining.
-Post-game, Majerus was spotted passed out at Fat Head's in Pittsburgh's historic South Side after consuming everything on the first two pages of the menu plus italian skins and every draft beer. He was forceably removed by the "jaws of life" which can all be seen next Friday on the Maury Povich show. Side Question: Why aren't italian skins on the menu at Fat Head's?
-A special thanks to my first cousin Dave (otherwise know as BCD) for pledging his support of the Bluff Diver nation in front of my entire family, while not being provoked to do so! This was surprising as he was left off the famous Bulgarian American list in error. Classic. Thinking of naming a new Bluff Diver award in his honor. The Divine Sisters of the Busted Clitoris "Crotch Turkey" Award. Haven't decided who will be the first recipient of this prestigious hardware!
-The Dukes may have lucked out with their A-10 tourney seeding. They will play the only team in the tourney with a losing record (La Salle) to open round one. They will get a very beatable Temple team in round two if they win. Umass, Rhode Island, or Charlotte in the semis if they win that. They would not have to face Xavier, the only team that truly pounded the Dukes, hypothetically until the finals. Prediction: Four point loss to La Salle
- Call me a dreamer: Dukes beat La Salle and Temple. Rhode Island beats Charlotte and Umass. Dukes avenge BS loss to Rhode Island (they got homered BIG TIME that game). That would all but guarantee the Dukes an NIT bid. They would then square up against Xavier who would: a) be overlooking the Dukes because of how easily they beat them the last game and b) might be resting on their laurels a little bit because they have an automatic bid locked up. Dukes win on a buzzer beater from Aaron Jackson (avenging the game tying buzzer beater he missed against Richmond). Dukes get a 12 seed and upset a five (evenging the BS loss to Drake..number five in espn.com bracketology, perhaps?) in the NCAA tournament. Bill Clark (6 for 12 from 3 point land last three games) regains early season form and lights it up for 24 in the first round game.
-That won't happen for three reasons: 1) They won't let it 2) The Dukes are no good 3) Shawn James is really hurt and should not be playing nor should he have played against St. Louis.
-Here are two reasons it will happen: 1) Pops officially announced his retirment from Duquesne after approximately 84 years of service and 2) The Dukes car decal that I put on "Mr. Lucky" (my car's nickname since I bought it on 7/11/07) following the Dayton game was removed via the ice storm preceeding the St. Louis victory. Signs from the Superbeing no doubt!
-In related news, a special Happy Birthday to Pops...who turned 73 today. Let's hope the Dukes return to glory for Pop's sake in his golden years.
3 comments:
Italian Skins are on the (only-by-request) "kosher" menu at Fatheads right next to the Baby Fore Skins (best with blue cheese dressing.)
Happy Birthday to Pops - 73 and still an animal in the sack!
you call yourself a dreamer. i just completed a national championship season with the dukes on college hoops 2k8 on my ps2. their run in the tourney included a win over duke in the sweet 16 and a win over kansas to win the championship.
NOW THAT's WHAT I CALL A DREAM. I THINK I WOULD CASH IN THE CHIPS...CAUSE LIFE COULD'NT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT! Are the Dukes any good at on that game?
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