Streaming (March) Madness!...

She Bluff Dives



THURSDAY's with Thorton: A stream of consciousness (sort of) account of the Tourney Day One! The first in Bluff Diver History!



-Making a last second move and switch Villanova and Clemson for the Sweet 16, Texas and Memphis for the Final Four (this will come back to haunt me I am sure).



-I am taking a half day off at work to watch the tourney. I tell my boss I am "leaving with my family to visit my grandparents for the blessed holiday." Praise Jeebus. In actuality I am driving to Pike Distributing to pick up four cases of beer for the weekend's festivities. Molson Canadian, Yuengling, Coors Light, and IC light. Balanced choices.



-Tip-off. At this point I am sitting alone at my house with four cases of beer, a handle of VO and bottle of tequila, a legal pad to take down notes for Bluff Divers, and a whole bunch of issues only my therapist can deal with. I am in deep, deep trouble as I learn none of the other Bluff Divers are taking off work to hang out. What happened to us and when did we get old?



-Temple is getting shoved around by MSU like a wife who's 50 year old husband just got back from happy hour. The cops (refs) refuse to press charges as the husband probably donates to the policeman's ball (see NCAA tournament). I am on my fourth beer.



-I have come to the realization that I would like hang out with the Georgia cheerleaders. I am thinking this has to be a good time. Perhaps they enjoy bluff diving. I have also come to the realization that the A-10 might be the # 7 RPI conference in basketball, but it is more like #28 when it comes to cheerleaders. The Dukettes blue valor jump suits and corpulent antics don't help this ranking.



-I am thinking that the coolest thing about being black is being able to go bald gracefully. Forget dunking or rhythm, I got one of those down. I am also thinking that it would be really cool to hang out with Isaac from the Love Boat. I am on beer eight. Whatever happened to him? Wasn't he Billy D. Williams half brother? Make that beer nine.



-Xavier is pulling out this win. They are so solid from the line and fundamentally sound on defense. I am going to pause now to do a shot of VO. Man does Sean Miller have a big set grapes using his last time out at 1:30. I like this move. I like grapes. Speaking of pulling, I may have time to look up some "literature" on the Internet before the Pitt game starts.



-By the way, Georgia beat 4 top-50 teams in a week and won a bcs conference championship, they shouldn't be a 14 seed. How does Xavier get hosed with this match up? Holy crap, as I was writing that, they just said that there had never been a 14 seed from the SEC and Xavier got a raw deal. I am so on t.v. right now. Xavier wins! VO shot #2. Beer ten.



-Pitt's spanking Oral Roberts (real toughie). Don't worry, they'll choke against MSU. I am surprised I don't see all of the "I like ORAL.....roberts" t-shirts sold on bluff divers. What the heck. Let's do one for the queen...VO #3



-Caught some Kentucky vs. Marquette highlights. MAN, I hate Tom Crean...but I kind of like him because everybody hates him so much!



-Have you seen this DiGiorno commercial? The big fat ass ordering pizza to his milf wife as he and his friends (the quintessential token black guy and good looking white friend) watch the game from their back yard? This commercial is sweet becuase in real life the only way that this broad would be married to this chubby slab of lard would be if his two friends were chinese fingertrapping her every time he left for work. I think next year I am going to try to watch March Madness in my back yard with a black friend and good looking white guy. I heard Isaac from the Love Boat and Jefferson Darcy are available. Maybe I'll get a hot wife...who likes Bulgarian Sausage Pizza. Right now I am drinking by myself so I would take anybody at this point.



-I don't know why, but I am going to order a pizza now. Lost track of beers. Think its at 14.



-I am wasted at this point and I notice that the ball boys/sweat moppers are like 60 years old. I would love to do this in 30 years. I finally have something to shoot for. I think I am going to call my shrink.



-I just called Sally Balls (cuomo) because my shrink's not available. I also was looking at the classic picture of me, him, and the Young Mule Cock aka Young MC (soon to be the Married Mule Cock) in full life-jacket gear and mustaches at the 2001 Jimmy Buffet concert. No doubt the gear in this picture is a predecessor to current Bluff Divers Regalia. Looking at that picture is like seeing The Who when they were the High Numbers. Genius was about to be born. I was going to give him the classic Bud Light "I love you man" but he tells me to "don't be dramatic." It works. At least beer 18. Do a shot of VO for Sally.



-Dick Vitale calls A-10 player of the year candidate, Temple's Dionte Christmas, "Reece Christmas." Lot's of love for the A-10. At least he could have called him Lloyd. Duke is going to win this game at the end because they get every fricking close call, so I might just put Dumb and Dumber on.



-Doug Gottlieb used the word enigmatic. From an OSU grad, that's impressive. I wonder if he knows what it means? At this point, I don't know what it means.



-I have confirmation that one of my many problems may be booze. Three cases remain.



-Belmont gets hosed. Man I hate Duke. I am going to have a dance party with Maggie. The A-Team theme song might get my spirits up at this point.



-Night Cap Time!



-I am going to bed...



-Over/Under on PAP's (panic attack pills) is 2.5. Can't wait for tomorrow!!!